Are You Related To Grumpy Smurf?

Yes. My grandfather was hl mencken... which is close enough to Grumpy Smurf.

Yes, glad you all asked... there's an interesting tale behind how it happened.. How my mother was his illegitimate child conceived in the baptismal compartment during the time Grandpappy was in Dayton Tn covering the Scopes trial... the church goers were so busy writhing in the aisles, PahRAISIN' the Lord, and dodging rattlesnake strikes they missed my grandmother slipping off behind the curtained stage, beckoning the famous journalist with a wry smile and a curling finger to follow. Indeed the cantankerous Baltimorian went to her. She said, "I wanna handle your snake, sir..." and slipped her hand down inside the pants of the Nietzsche-ite and Social Darwinist. "Mmm, I think Ill call this piece, Backwoods Brothel," wisecracked the Jew-bashing essayist.

Lemme know if you want the x-rated version.